Adding some new tools to my arsenal!

A few weeks ago, I started taking a new vitamin, One a Day Weight Control. It has green tea extract in it, and Chromium I think, and its supposed to help with weight loss, as well as being a vitamin, I figured it was worth a try. In the past few weeks, without much effort at all on my behalf (I wish I could take the credit), I have lost about 7 pounds! Coincidence? Maybe, but I am inclined to think that the vitamin helped a bit.

So, today I went to GNC to check out a product I read about in one of the many woman's fitness magazines I read for inspiration. I got a special vitamin regime, little daily packets you take, for optimal weight loss. I'm excited to give these a try, they also contain some green tea extract, as well as some other little ingredients credited with weight loss/management and better health. (no worries, no ephedra or hoodia or anything gimicky like that!). I am fully aware that they won't make magic happen, I'll have to do a lot of work to get the results I want, but knowing I've got a little extra helper makes me feel less daunted by the task at hand, and makes me excited to see what it can really do for me!

And onto the topic of beauty ;) I'm becoming quite the lover of beauty products these days! I just discovered Bath and Body Works today, and I think I am in trouble!! I wish I was shopping for me, but I was on a budget, but holy cow! I would have spent a small fortune in there! They had all kinds of amazing smelling body washes and lotions and perfumes and lip glosses etc.... All my new favorite things!! I got myself a Twisted Peppermint 3 in 1 bath product (body wash, shampoo and bubble bath) to hold myself over until I can go back for more ;) But the deprivation won't last long, since my AVON order comes in tomorrow and I couldn't help but spoil myself a bit, so I'll have a new perfume, and some lip gloss, and eye shadow tomorrow to play around with!

I can't help myself! I've started this "new me" renovation and I can't stop! My whole life has been turned upside down. Nothing it what it used to be, or what I thought it would be, and I'm trying very hard to redefine and rediscover who I am in all of this. I'm thinking back to a time when I felt best about myself, who I was, what I wanted, and how I looked, and I'm trying to pull out little things I did for me back then, when I actually mattered to myself. When I was 21/22, I was a full time college student. I had a ton of friends, and lots of good times. I went to the gym, I was in the best shape of my life. I felt attractive and confidant. Confidant enough to put the moves on Elvis when he came on to the scene! I want that back! I want the health back, the energy back, the confidence back, the friends, I want it all back!

So part of this redefining stage I am going through will come in the form of reminding myself I am a woman. I am not just a mother, a nurse, a wife, etc... But I am a woman. I am so many things, and I forgot this fact somewhere along the line. Maybe forgetting to be ME was part of the problem in my marriage (which I hope can still be rectified). Maybe I fell into that trap, the "mom trap", where I stopped caring about who I was and how I projected to the world and I got so tied up in my kids that I just became a mom, not a woman and a mom, just a mom. My weight increased, my clothes got bland, my hair got shorter and plainer, no time for make up, no time for working out, no time for fun, or romance, I just threw myself head first into my kids and I never resurfaced. Now, add some grief to that, and all those important matters of self seemed so insignificant for so long. Who has time to think about make up or losing weight, or cute clothes when your son died? Not me.

But now I see that self neglect just breeds all kinds of dissatisfaction, in life, in marriage, in parenting, in friendships, and in self esteem. Forgetting yourself and failing to maintain that sense of self is so detrimental in so many ways. Even when you feel weighed down with responsibilities and stuggles, and even when you feel absolutely satisfied with your job as full time mom to fabulous kids, life won't be whole until you tend to yourself as well as others, something will always lack if you forget about you.

Who am I?

I like music, all kinds of music, but I love the Killers best!

I like to dance, when no one is watching

I love to sing even though I am horrible at it

I love jewelry, big and bold stuff, as well as soft and delicate pieces

I like counrty music and the whole "cowgirl" look

I love make up and perfume and feeling girly

I like to write, stories, poetry, ramblings

I like to read books about women who have had hard lives and have overcome, Maya Angelou, Alice Walker, Lori Lansens, they all tell great tales!

I love art! I love to paint and draw, I love to create and express myself visually

I always have a crush, I love to feel in love, I love the excitement of wanting someone to want me (and for the past 8 years this crush has been on Elvis, and still is [unless you count celebrity crushes, then my heart belongs to B-Flo! haha!])

So, I am digging out, slowly, and trying to figure out how I can be a mom and a wife (God willing I still get to fill this role) and a woman, and me, at the same time. I know it can be done, I just got too many balls up in the air in this juggling act of life, and I dropped the "me" one for a while. Its back up there now, and hopefully to stay!

Katie